Community, Connection, and Being Whole: Prioritizing More Than Just Practice
When I took time away from my work to spend it with these friends, I felt my social cup refilling, a part of myself that had not felt full in years.
At the end of this year, I’ve been looking back on my time so far in college. I’ve learned a lot, but one of the most important discoveries I’ve made is how I make time for people, and how doing so has allowed me to feel the happiest and most myself I’ve felt in a very long time. It felt like a fitting blog post for the end of 2025!
For most of my life, my default has been to work. My high school life consisted of studying, practicing, rehearsing, writing, researching, reading…it was consuming. Then, when I decided to prioritize music and make it my career-focus, even more of my time disappeared. I would go to school and then come home and alternate studying and practice until I went to sleep. Was this exhausting? Yes. Did it feel amazing to complete all that I did and at such a thorough level? Yes. Was this healthy or sustainable? Probably not. Despite feelings of accomplishment, this schedule left me feeling rather lonely. I didn’t have time for friends outside of hanging out with them in my classes during the day, and for me, an extrovert, this felt pretty empty.
By the time I got to college, I knew I needed to make a change, but in my first two years, I struggled to find a more social balance. Freshman year, I was distracted learning to be an independent-college-attending-adult, and it made it difficult to prioritize my friends how I really wanted to. I went out with people I really enjoyed to see movies, try fancy restaurants, and thrift cute clothes, but I always felt guilty taking time away from my trombone and homework, so I often held myself back when asked to hang out again. It was as though my responsibility to my work wouldn’t allow me to enjoy the time I did spend with people or say yes to as many invites as I wanted to. At the end of freshman year, I felt like I had a better handle on college, but I still wanted my friends to take up more of my life. I had adjusted to living at the university, which was necessary, and now I was ready to make room for people!
My sophomore year, things improved a bit, but it still wasn’t what I knew I needed. Now that I was adjusted to college, my classes and the music core got much harder. My homework took longer and was more complex. Keyboard suddenly demanded more practice. My trombone goals—what I wanted to sound like and what I needed to improve to get there—shifted and suddenly I wanted all the practice time in the world. I had thought that since I’d adjusted during my freshman year, things would get easier. Instead, as life happens, a new challenge presented itself in the form of a tougher workload. I buckled down and did what I needed to do to practice and complete my work. As much as I could, I would poke my head up from my work like a meerkat and say yes to movie nights, yes to dinners, yes to hangouts and get-togethers, but I still attended these with a sense of guilt. You’re not working hard enough. Taking time off—now? That’s gonna hurt later.
Taking a step back this summer, I realized that in life, I’m always going to have something challenging me and standing in the way of the thing I want. Freshman year, I wanted to spend time with friends as much as I could. However, I needed time and space to adjust to being away at college. Sophomore year, I was sure I was ready to go and would have more time for people. Instead, my workload increased, as did my standards; I needed more time for practice and studying. This was all normal, I realized. But my feelings of guilt didn’t need to be. It was through therapy and reflection that I began to decrease the weight of my responsibility to my work. I found ways to be more efficient, more calculated. How could I accomplish my tasks quicker, more accurately? How long do I actually need to complete this assignment? How much practice time does this section actually need? What practice strategies will accomplish this task and make it stick? How can I complete my to-do list most efficiently? I found that the better I organized myself and the more honest I was about not over-working, the more time I had. I also worked on being kinder to myself. Obviously, the work was happening—things were going well! There was no need for guilt when I took time to socialize. Socializing is a core part of being in college!
This past semester was the best I’ve ever had, the one where I felt the most like me. I made the most incredible friends and spent as much time with them as I could. This semester, my days consisted of practicing my trombone, preparing for my classes and ensembles, completing any additional work, and then filling the remaining space with great people. When I took time away from my work to spend it with these friends, I felt my social cup refilling, a part of myself that had not felt full in years. I also noticed that I no longer felt guilty for this time, and that I would later return to my work more balanced, grounded, and joyful. Having good people in my life has meant the world and to get to spend all the time that I did with them meant even more. I’m so grateful to have learned that I can complete my work and make space for the socializing that brings me joy. I will say that everyone needs a different balance of things in their day to feel whole. Truly, my battery charges differently than another person’s, but what I found this semester, and reflecting on these last two years, is that when you know you need something, working patiently and kindly with yourself to achieve it is key. Thanks to finding this social balance with amazing people, I feel more like myself than I ever have.