My First Audition: Tackling the New and Falling in Love
I didn’t have to prove anything; I was here to share with them, to play as myself.
Taking on new challenges, especially ones that scare me a little bit, has been a big focus of my personal and musical development these last couple months. I’ve spent a lot of time outside my comfort zone, but I’ve never grown so much so fast, and this has helped me to really trust that discomfort supports progress. This month, I recall the day of my first audition, a new challenge that definitely scared me a little bit. It’s my hope that by reflecting on this day and sharing it, someone could come away with something that helps them in their first (or next) audition, or to tackle a new challenge that scares them!
I had done auditions before, but this one felt different. I’d recorded auditions for orchestra and summer festivals, taken live auditions for undergrad, or performed placement auditions at the start of each semester, but this was my first audition for a job, for a place on a sub list. It felt like a completely new thing…and I was honestly a little nervous.
The day of the audition, I created a schedule to provide myself structure. I took the whole day off, prioritizing good sleep and a peaceful start to my day. I made sure to pick out a professional outfit I felt confident and secure in. I packed lots of essentials: water, light snacks, tissues, deodorant, oil and grease for my horn…you name it. In the days leading up to the audition, I did my best to taper and trust my work—no panic-practice! The day of, I warmed up only until my face felt good and then I stopped, keeping things light for the audition ahead.
Once I arrived at the venue, I checked in and went to the warm-up room, trying to find a cozy spot to set up. I ended up putting my stuff in the corner and taking a seat. I looked around the room and I was intimidated. Everyone seemed much older, much more experienced, and much more confident. Gulp. I unpacked my horn and played a few notes, later moving on to run through some parts of the list. I was feeling good now that I was playing, but this environment still felt very new.
Soon, we were drawing numbers, and to prevent over-practicing, I packed up my things and went to the designated waiting-room. It was bright and sunny there, so I sat on the floor with my back to the wall and did some deep breathing exercises. I put in my headphones and listened to one of my favorite albums, trying to focus as deeply as I could on the subtleties of the songs and the singer’s voice. I tried to lose myself in the music I loved so much, focusing on how it made me feel. Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back and let all the tension drain out of my body. I was in this state for a while until they were close to calling my number. When they were ready for me, I carefully gathered my things, took a deep breath, and followed the coordinator.
Once I was taken to my warm-up room backstage, I played a note or two and then switched gears to singing through my excerpts. I tried to focus on all the nuance and accuracy I wanted, helping to remind my brain of the goal. It was at this point that I felt my energy start to change. Singing through my repertoire, I was reminded of all the work I put in, all the time I’d invested. Playing a note here and there to keep my face centered, I remembered how much I love my sound and how it allows me to connect to people. Suddenly, I wasn’t nervous at all—I was excited. I realized that the panel out in the hall was about to hear me. I was about to share what only I had to offer, the perspective afforded to me by my own individuality. I didn’t have to prove anything; I was here to share with them, to play as myself.
Walking out on stage felt different than any other audition I had ever taken. I felt joyful, excited, and happy. I sat down to play my excerpts and was ready to show the panel my pretty sound and the way this music would speak through me. It was a completely different experience to any I’d ever had before. Honestly, taking this audition and experiencing this shift has opened up so much for me. I’ve come to realize that if you can focus on what you have to offer, what you yourself love about your playing, you can perform from a place of offering, instead of from a place of proving. Then, it becomes an opportunity for you to share your artistry with the panel, instead of playing through crushing pressure, trying to get everything perfect. Preparing thoroughly, eating and sleeping well, dressing confidently, and taking time to meditate and sing were all crucial to my preparation for the moment I played on stage, but it was reveling in the joy of my sound and uniqueness that made me fall in love with auditioning. Having pushed myself to tackle a new challenge and to embrace the discomfort it caused, I came away that day with so many valuable discoveries.